Many a times the whole essence of you being you is so doubtable ....

The tendency to look yourself through others eyes takes center stage ..

The head is filled with doubts .. He is judging me.. M I abnormal , Do people like me exist .

The whole motive of existence I was told is to create your identity , carve your own niche ..

Then where did this being judged and being cast in the image as seen by the world came into being ..

Yea I m a misfit to some . But I m perfect role model for myself .. aren't role models what u always wanted to be like .

yes I don't go by the book .. but was it wasn't written by me so why even think of following it . I will write my own story .n if it is my story ..It better be mine and the way I see it ..

I wasnt supposed to be normal. Happiness lies in finding your true sense rather than losing yourself to others .. I might have lost in the world's eyes but then I found my true self. So who is the final winner ..????

Hi....I miss you....

Hi... I know we don't see each other...
We don't talk to each other.. But i want you to know that i have been doing little thinking this lately... 

And i want you to know i miss you... not i regret for what happened or want to see you again..i miss you..just i miss you... 
           its so strange to think someone i knew so well is now a total stranger to me.. sometimes i go days without thinking about you.. but you know most of the time i let myself forget that i miss you.. but then i find something.. 
                    Photo.. a gift.. the stupid love letter we use to give each other.. and the whole memory lane crashes down on me.. part of me..want to see you again to hold you again to kiss you again.. 

But all of these feelings become empty thoughts.. when i look back at time.. that love is not the same it used to be.. its just so easy to forget... but this isn't regret.. 
                                        we had our reasons for ending it... reasons valid as ever..the back to the start.. we didn't need reasons to fall in love.. we just did.. the reasons came at the end.. and everything that made sense came with a reason..and that's good.. i mean one day we will find someone who doesn't have to say goodbye to.. but a part of me just misses loving someone and having them love you back without a reason.. 
                                  I guess what i am saying is... everything was good with you.. i hope everything is great.. i hope you found a love.. all the things i couldn't be.. but just a small part of me still hopes that you still remember how it was like before all the reasons...

                                                and that you miss me too.....  

The endless pain

I wish we had never met
For we won't now be suffering in this torment
There was no way our love could grow
There is noting we can do
We love each other is only i know
But what should i do
I have no clue
From now our roads are different
Path so endless
feel of loneliness
I feel so low
In front of fate we all bow
But we can't let our live to grow

I lived a lie
A story i was sure will surely die
But how could i stop myself from loving a prrson I adore
The person everyday I want more and more

I'm going insane
I promised I will always be fine
so i am ending this agony and this pain...

My black diary

On a black diary beside
I have pages nothing but white

I grab my pen, old yet fine
And start drawing lines only line

I watch the ink thick then thin
And think of all the stories that it lie within

Glorious stories, adventures, fairy tales
But then i look inside and find my incomplete story that always fail....

A game that abends....

Let me tell you about a game I play
Where I close my eyes and fade away

I fly to a special place far away
Beyond the stars and the moon and the reality maze

In this special world of my you can see
There are only two people - just you and me

In this world of mine everything is right
Nothing but love, and we never fight

In this world, we have never seen sadness
No problems no griefs and none of that madness

We have
No rules to follow, no laws to break
No bars to hold us or separate

No one to tell us we can't be together as such 
I don't just tell you "I love you" - I show you how much

But eventually i know this game must end
My eyes must open, and leading to abend....

and the noise of silence...

there are many reasons of silence but what one cause could be loneliness.... yes loneliness and it changes a person so drastically that you can never imagine or dream of.. loneliness kills.. As said by Mother Teresa "Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty".

                       Loneliness is not only terrible but it is a terror.. and increases exponentially... even i feel a haunting loneliness sometimes and had felt it in others... through the night & day through the dusk and dawn it just comes and tears us apart most go into depression and eventually into silence... we read those umpteen books on self management and happiness sometimes also on motivation and moving but they all go in vain because life is never what you make it.. but you are what life makes you... 

     your reason of loneliness can be different but the aftermath of loneliness is always same SILENCE... and this silence first comes crawling but once it gets it path it starts running and it runs so fast that eventually it eats you whole... you live with a hollow soul with no agony, agitation, amusement, anxiety, love, care, awe, or any feeling... all that is left is just an abandoned soul.. 

                                                     and finally a stage comes when you do nothing for yourself whatever you do is for others even you breath for others smile for others see for others talk for others... actually live for others.. and then their is no you existing its just a body reacting and moving for others.. and then slowly a day comes when you are worn out you SILENTLY QUIT..

yeah its valentine's day... so called day of love so one for this......

love starts with a magic
turns out to be an illusion and slowly vanishes...
what remains is memories to tear you apart..
leaving only broken pieces of your heart...

you long for care...
you long for love...
but what you only get...
are indelible moments to forget....

you stand in a crowd with a fake smile
killing yourself  going a thousand miles...
but every night you are alone on bed
you cant stop teardrops running through eyes...

then comes a time when you think if you could break his heart
but you find yourself sill in  inveiglement of his love...
then you take a step back
and you surrender yourself to the black track.....